[Warning – Adult Language]
[Part 2 can be found here.]
Over the past few years you may have noticed the O-Team has ramped up the humor here at the O-site to try and make this profession a little less boring. In the process, our crack graphic design team (meaning they are literally on crack, not that they’re any good) have worked up some pretty hilarious graphics. They often get lost in the blog posts, so here are a few of the better ones we’ve run.
Tell us what your favorite is over at the O-Forum!
This first one took over a week to work up, and actually isn’t even finished; in fact, it hasn’t even appeared on the site yet. It was intended for an article about the US TAG leadership’s dominance over the ISO 9001 publishing space, but the art was taking too long, so we ran the article with out it.
This one was prompted ISO TC 176’s insistence that risk-based thinking is as easy as crossing the street.
After ANAB effectively gave up any pretense that it cares about holding its certification bodies to the accreditation rules, we came up with this fancy new logo.
ISO CASCO is the committee that writes the accreditation standards which then govern the activities of Accreditation Bodies and Certification Bodies. When we found out they were overrun by conflicted CB reps who were trying to dilute the rules, this quick bit of snark seemed appropriate.
Everyone has an opinion about how to pronounce “ANAB,” but the execs over at our favorite accreditation body have a pretty strong view against pronouncing it so it rhymes with the Captain from Moby Dick. Which means, of course, that’s exactly how I pronounce it.
Subtle, understated, and tasteful. These words aren’t quite accurate to describe this quickie ‘shop of Julie Congress, the US TAG 176 member who really, really didn’t want anyone to know she was representing the United States on the US TAG 176, because God forbid that should mean she has to listen to stakeholders. Ugh!
Daryl Guberman, that certificate mill operator to the stars, posted on Ripoff Report that yours truly is a “communist, antisemitic, bigoted boombat.” A lot of people asked what the hell that even means, so this was our reply.
Not photoshopped? It’s a photo of TC 262 Secretary Tim Fisher not having a full-on, screaming embolism of rage and threatening to sue the planet. That rare phenomenon sure sounds like something that could be only be produced with the most expensive CGI effects.
An auditor with registrar TUV SUD threatened “nonconformities” for anyone who disagreed with their interpretation of ISO 9001’s risk-based thinking. prompting this tweak of their logo. (Article here.)
After the SAE rejected me a second time for membership in the IAQG, even though I only applied once, we used this graphic to sum it up. (Article here.)
ANAB CEO John Knappenberger came to Orlando, which got our Disneyfied juices flowing.
I ran for US TAG 176 Chair, and this was my campaign poster. I lost, but no one would deny that I would have been more popular than the guy who actually won.
The fact that ISO 9001-certified Takata airbag producer Inflation Systems Inc. made airbags that blow shrapnel into people brought about this thoughtful redesign of their logo.
An article calling on certification bodies to be held accountable when their clients… you know … kill people ran this handy graphic.
ISO threatened to sue us — twice — over this logo, which incorporates the Communist hammer and sickle, in complete compliance with the Fair Use clause of US copyright law. This came about after ISO insisted that ISO 9001 is healthy because of all those certs coming out of China.
When ASQ’s LinkedIn forum turned into a misogynist hellscape populated by aging white sexists who treat women like ironing boards, we came up with this catchy new slogan for the group. To this day, ASQ Executive has neither commented on the problem, nor done a damn thing about it.
Mansplaining ASQ Fellow Duke Okes insisted that when ASQ editors ran an article with the word “bitch” in the title, it wasn’t sexist. The ASQ moderators banned me after I complained, while bitch-loving Okes went on (one presumes) to ogle that new receptionist’s boobs with ASQ’s blessing. Apparently to be an ASQ Fellow you have to also be a disgusting human being… who knew?
I love this one, which just ran today after we asked ANSI to investigate internal corruption, and it said it would only do so if we paid them $2500. Really, I’m not kidding.
A little something we banged out in response to the IAQG’s view that only OEM’s are the “true users” of AS9100.
Graphic that accompanied our article on how everyone is plagiarizing the same ISO talking points regarding risk-based thinking.
ANAB and registrar Smithers invented the SN9001 snow management standard out of thin air, so calling in Elsa to help seemed fitting.
Former ISO published Paul Scicchitano claimed he was nominated for a Pulitzer, which we argued was technically impossible, prompting this graphic of what he probably actually received.
Our take on the Annex SL mandate from the ISO Technical Management Board.
This one hardly needs an explanation.
I have no idea where we ran this one, but it just about sums up the new risk-based thinking “expert” phenomenon.
I love this rework of BSI’s logo, which we ran during our investigation into whether their Entropy software violated prohibitions against CBs offering consulting.
All the registrars claim to offer value-added auditing.
No, we didn’t make this racist graphic, but it was used by South African ISO standards expert Iain Muir which we covered in an article exposing it. In fact, it’s still up on the SAATCA website, proving that South Africa still has a little problem with people who don’t look like bags of flour.
ASCA and ANAB are still insisting that SN9001 certification will reduce insurance premiums, and we are still pushing the buttons to have the various parties locked up for insurance fraud.
For a while, these “Yay, cloud” Microsoft ads ran on TV, and ISO’s ridiculous digital rights management rules fell right into our lap at the time.
Someone said “you do risk-based thinking every time you walk on a slippery sidewalk,” so we came up with this.
All the ISO authors have books starting with a gerund, so I worked up this long before I came up with Surviving ISO 9001:2015.
Christopher Paris is the founder and VP Operations of Oxebridge. He has over 35 years’ experience implementing ISO 9001 and AS9100 systems, and helps establish certification and accreditation bodies with the ISO 17000 series. He is a vocal advocate for the development and use of standards from the point of view of actual users. He is the writer and artist of THE AUDITOR comic strip, and is currently writing the DR. CUBA pulp novel series. Visit www.drcuba.world
