I’m sure few of you even knew that ISO was trying to standardize your dildos, but they are. The committee ISO/PC 325 was set up a few years ago to develop a standard for “sex toys: design and safety requirements for products in direct contact with genitalia, the anus, or both.” The resulting draft is currently called ISO/DIS 3533 and if you shift the numbers sideways a bit, they do sort of look like boobs:

Those of you who get your kink on by stuffing things in other orifices, like your ears, are out of luck, because ISO is being decidedly judgmental on your habits. Prudes.

What’s interesting, however, is that the draft standard — which you can buy for 58 Swiss francs,  shipped in a plain brown wrapper — rejects ISO’s most recent definition of the term “risk,” and relies on an older one which makes more sense. As you may remember, ISO is trying to sell the world on the idea that risks are good, while the rest of the world understands that uncertainty is neutral, and when the effect is bad, it’s a risk. That’s why we engage in risk mitigation; you don’t “mitigate” things that are good.

Instead, ISO/DIS 3533 utilizes an older 1999 definition whereby risk is inherently bad: “combination of the probability of occurrence of harm and the severity of that harm.” Now, those of you who like running to the hospital when your sex toy has been inserted in a way that will require medical intervention may disagree, and prefer ISO’s preferred definition, “effect of uncertainty on objectives.” If you’re cruising for hot proctologists, then sure, I can see why you’d be upset by the use of the 1999 version.

Frankly, I didn’t buy the actual standard and only reviewed the sample text because, you know, browser history. But I’m tempted, if only to read Annex B “Design Considerations Based on Anatomy,” and then the three sections on “Small,” “Medium,” and “Large.”

On another note, I’ll pay $500 to anyone who can get me a photo of the ISO/PC 325 committee members sitting in a meeting room holding dildos. Because I have a lot of ways I can use that photo.

 

About Christopher Paris

Christopher Paris is the founder and VP Operations of Oxebridge. He has over 30 years' experience implementing ISO 9001 and AS9100 systems, and is a vocal advocate for the development and use of standards from the point of view of actual users. He is the author of Surviving ISO 9001:2015. He reviews wines for the irreverent wine blog, Winepisser.