Just a quick bit of history. Back when the ISO 9001:2015 Draft International Standard (DIS) version was being tossed around, the Brits of the Chartered Quality Institute wanted to insert a graphic taken from a book on Ayurvedic medicine. Not only would that have been a violation of international copyright law, perpetrated by an organization that likes to beat other people up by selective enforcement of international copyright law, but it would have also terrified your kids and caused you to vomit uncontrollably.

According to the official international comments file that was prepared by ISO, some troglodytic moron …erm, “industry expert” at CQI tried to insert an entire section into clause 0 called “Management System Concepts” that presented the human body as a metaphor for a management system. The intended change would have included the following text:

A management system is a living entity comprising a number of sub-systems that are organised in such a way as to deliver outcomes and business results. Although all organisations are different, their Management Systems always need to recognise this. Organizations, like humans, are organic adapting and changing based upon the external environment in which they sit. The Human system has a set of organs that work
together to deliver their outcomes. The organisational system has a set of key business process that do the same thing.

As if that wasn’t bad enough — and it is — the CQI then would have inserted the following graphic with the caption “The human being as a system,” apparently stolen from a book on Ayurvedic natural medicine., but which also looks a lot like Deadpool with his costume off.

They would have also included a massive, 500-word treatise on the entire subject, ballooning the standard to outlandishly exaggerated proportions, with the following text, which I have reproduced in a really, really tiny font just because I know you have no intention of reading it, nor should you, since it’s totally batshit insane. An interesting point, however, is that CQI was more overt in their attempt to take over the risk management profession, by claiming in their text that “risks are managed by QC.” Oh, really?

One wonders if this text was proposed by the same New Age nutjob that injected the text about having a “calm and emotionally-protective” work environment. Someone at the CQI is smoking way too much weed and listening to way too much Phish.

    About Christopher Paris

    Christopher Paris is the founder and VP Operations of Oxebridge. He has over 25 years' experience implementing ISO 9001 and AS9100 systems, and is a vocal advocate for the development and use of standards from the point of view of actual users. He is the author of Surviving ISO 9001:2015. He reviews wines for the irreverent wine blog, Winepisser.