Winter Haven FL — Oxebridge has updated its hilarious satire document on ISO 9001 called EYESORE 9001: A SMARTASS’ GUIDE TO ISO 9001:2008. The second edition is updated for the latest version of ISO 9001, and not only includes biting satire and just-a-little-off-color humor (not too much, we promise), but also some sage advice on implementing ISO 9001 for your own company. It also gives a (non) factual look into the (totally fictionalized) workings of the ISO Technical Committee responsible for developing the standard.
Here is a snippet:
5.4.1 Quality Objectives: The Contemporary Royal Proclamations
I know I said it before, but I feel like saying it again. Sue me.
The boss has to set some kind of goals for the company. They should include goals for quality and product. Remember, “product” means “service,” too. See? It’s only clause 5.4.1 and we’ve already forgotten about service organizations!
Make sure each area in the company has objectives. The fun of charting one’s failure to live up to expectations should be shared, don’t you think? And those objectives better be measurable, too, buddy. Don’t think we won’t check up on you!
To make things handy, here are some suggested objectives which you can actually measure:
- Don’t be a jerk. We can measure that by use of hidden cameras.
- Don’t steal office supplies. We can tell by doing inventory.
- Sell whatever you can, as fast as you can. We can measure that by how fast you sell whatever you can.
- Never pay our vendors on time. Paying on time is for shlubs.
- Deliver on time. OK, OK, I just added that last one in as a joke. I mean, really. Who does that?? Ha ha ha!
The first edition of EYESORE 9000 was downloaded over 150,000 times, which may approach the actual number of purchased copies of the real ISO 9001 standard in the United States! As before, the document is offered free to Oxebridge readers. The first edition is still available for download here.
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Christopher Paris is the founder and VP Operations of Oxebridge. He has over 35 years’ experience implementing ISO 9001 and AS9100 systems, and helps establish certification and accreditation bodies with the ISO 17000 series. He is a vocal advocate for the development and use of standards from the point of view of actual users. He is the writer and artist of THE AUDITOR comic strip, and is currently writing the DR. CUBA pulp novel series. Visit www.drcuba.world
