Winter Haven FL — The free satire document “Eyesore 9000: A Smartass’ Guide to ISO 9001“, published by Oxebridge and written by “Anonymous”, has hit a landmark record of over 250,000 downloads. This number is greater than the number of companies that have adopted the ISO 9001 standard in the USA, and is 1/4 of the estimated 1,000,000 users of the official ISO 9001 standard, per data provided by ISO itself.
The parody document presents a satirical look at the nine clauses, while simultaneously taking some jabs at the standards-development process and providing real-world advice on how to implement ISO 9001. In one instance, the document presents ISO’s “process model diagram” as a complex illustration of Dante’s nine circles of Hell. For example, under clause 5.4.1 Quality Objectives, Eyesore 9001 defines the requirements as follows:
Make sure each area in the company has objectives. The fun of charting one’s failure to live up to expectations should be shared, don’t you think?
Those objectives better be measurable, too, buddy. Don’t think we won’t check up on you!
To make things handy, here are some suggested objectives which you can actually measure:
- Don’t be a jerk. We can measure that by use of hidden cameras.
- Don’t steal office supplies. We can tell by doing inventory.
- Sell whatever you can, as fast as you can. We can measure that by how fast you sell whatever you can.
- Never pay our vendors on time. Paying on time is for shlubs.
- Deliver on time. OK, OK, I just added that last one in as a joke. I mean, really. Who does that?? Ha ha ha!
For your free copy of the latest edition of Eyesore 9000, now updated to mock ISO 9001:2008, click here. (PDF file, Adobe Reader required.)
Christopher Paris is the founder and VP Operations of Oxebridge. He has over 35 years’ experience implementing ISO 9001 and AS9100 systems, and helps establish certification and accreditation bodies with the ISO 17000 series. He is a vocal advocate for the development and use of standards from the point of view of actual users. He is the writer and artist of THE AUDITOR comic strip, and is currently writing the DR. CUBA pulp novel series. Visit www.drcuba.world
