THE AUDITOR<\/strong><\/a> comic strip, you’d never believe it actually happened.<\/p>\nSo, according to this window-licker auditor, nobody anywhere can ever<\/strong> <\/em>exclude 8.3 because he says it’s relevant to the design of the QMS itself. In order to reach this conclusion, our intrepid, drooling pencil-eater has to undergo the following mental gymnastics:<\/p>\nFirst, he’s gotta just ignore the entire history of ISO 9001, going back to 1987. You see, ISO understood that you could exclude design even if you had a QMS, and they actually published two whole standards<\/strong><\/em> — ISO 9002 and ISO 9003 –allowing companies to do just that.<\/p>\nNext, he must entirely ignore the frigging title of the clause: 8.3 Design and Development of<\/em> Products and Services<\/strong><\/em>. You see, it’s right there in the name: this isn’t about designing your QMS, it’s about designing the stuff you sell<\/strong><\/em>. And nobody sells their own QMS as a product or service.<\/p>\nNext (oh, there’s more), this shidiot then has to realize that if ISO meant for the design of the QMS itself to be a thing, it would have included it in the QMS “Planning” clauses (per PDCA) of 4 through 7. In fact, it would likely literally go into<\/strong> <\/em>Clause 6.0 Planning. Clause 8 — which is where 8.3 resides, something this moron didn’t realize — is about “Operation” and is the “Do” part of PDCA. By the time you get to clause 8, ISO assumes the QMS is already <\/strong><\/em>designed, and now you’re actually using it. (Clauses 9 and 10 are then “Check” and “Act”, respectively.)<\/p>\nSteve rightfully questions whether “the CB read his report before sending it as surely they would’ve corrected it<\/em>.” The short answer is, of course not.<\/strong> <\/em>The CBs have one job, and they can’t be bothered to actually do it. So they let auditors like this neolithic numbnut run around wild, without anyone checking their work.<\/p>\nAnd, oh my God, am I hoping this auditor is reading this right now. Because, yeah, this is about you.<\/strong><\/em> You’re so stupid, you’re a danger to yourself and others. Here’s my advice, Mr. Auditor: find another line of work more suited to your skillset. Maybe spinning signs outside Liberty Insurance or cleaning shoes at a bowling alley. But you need to quit auditing entirely, and right now, because at this rate you are going to kill yourself the next time you try to put on a pair of safety glasses. I also suggest you lock yourself in a room and chain yourself to the bedpost like Lon Chaney Jr. in The Wolfman<\/em>, because — yeah — you can’t fix stupid, but you can sure help protect the rest of us from it.<\/p>\nGreat auditor training, Exemplar and IRCA! I guess the check cleared, so you just printed this guy his Lead Auditor cert. I’m frankly surprised he didn’t papercut his eyelids with it.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An ISO 9001 auditor comes up with a new way to reduce the IQ of the entire planet in one stroke.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":30262,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","mc4wp_mailchimp_campaign":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[157],"tags":[294,23,14],"class_list":["post-30260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor-2","tag-auditor","tag-certification-bodies","tag-iso-9001","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30260","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30260"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30265,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30260\/revisions\/30265"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.oxebridge.com\/emma\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/fester.jpg\")
Over at the Oxebridge ISO 9001 LinkedIn Group<\/a>, member Steve Hill revealed that one of his ISO 9001 consultants was hit with a whopper of a stupid nonconformity:<\/p>\n